Step 1. The Vision.
“OMG Grenda, I luv UR outfit! 
“
If you get that text message from your friends, you’re on the right track. How are you going to get a guy if you don’t look the part? Simple, you won’t. You need to look and smell good. Real good. Guys will always and forever be on the prowl. Your hair has be be bouncy and full of life. Your face has to be glowing of righteous nectar. Your clothes have to be beautiful and eye catchingly off the butcher’s meat hook. And then there’s the smell. By the pungent and yellow tinted thigh sweat of Vlade Divac, you have to smell intoxicating. Not overpowering. Intoxicating. If you are going to get him to notice you and approach you, you better be giving off the right vibe or you’ll be going home numberless and with the same manless girls that you’ve hung out with since your paste tasting experimental days of the first grade.
Step 2. The Walk.
You see that shy girl over there in the corner? Guess what? She’s not getting asked to dance tonight. Guys don’t go for the shy girl. Remember when Rocky found Adrian? She’s this shy girl, with glasses, and then you take off the glasses and she’s still……… ugly? WTF? Yeah. So, in Hollywood the shy girl gets the up and coming boxer. But, in real life, the shy girl gets… nothing. Not even the shy guy, because he’s too shy to approach you. You have to be confident. Walk the walk. When you walk with confidence, guys take notice, and trust us – they’ll come to you.
Step 3. Flirt It Up.
Once you have him talking to you, it’s your solemn responsibility to flirt if you’re at all interested. Now there is a fine line between flirting correctly and over doing it. You have to look deep down. Look inside yourself. Find that inner and lil Becky and flirt the way that you know how or however is most comfortable for you. There are so many ways to do it, you have to find your own way. There’s the getting close. The teasing. Being awkwardly funny. You can be touchy/feely. Or you can match him wit for wit. Find your own style and run with it. Remember not to be too aggressive or you could fend him off. Make him want more and leave him wanting more. He will come up with an excuse to use your number if you don’t take it too far. Trust us.
Step 4. Bring it Back a Little.
This is where so many of you females lose it. You look good, you smell good, you’re confident (even if it’s unfounded), you flirt, but then you take it too far. It turns into YOU chasing THEM. This is ‘guy getting’ suicide. We want to chase you. The chase is part of the fun for us. If it’s too easy, we lose interest and fast. Then again, if it’s too hard, we’ll lose interest just as quickly. Find the right balance. Give us a challenge, not too much of one, but a challenge none-the-less. The key is to let us know you’re interested, give us a taste, and then pull ahead just a little. Keep this up, and you’ll have us chasing after you ’til your mom comes home.
Step 5. Make Time.
Girls, we say this because we know… if you are continually busy and can’t make time for the guy that you’re interested in… you can expect him to walk. Walk straight into the arms of your friend or enemy. So if you don’t want to gear up and play the real life version of Sorry, you’d better be available for this fling to grow. Like we said, guys love the chase, but if he’s going to be chasing you ’til he’s out of breath… he’s going to find that breath of fresh air he deserves. If that happens, you’ll be known as the hobbity ol’ hag, turn 38, and still live in your parents house. But hey, the shampoo is free, right?
Step 6. Have an Opinion
When a guy asks for a girl’s opinion, there are a few things he doesn’t want to hear. “I don’t know.” “Whatever.” and “Anything you want.” Sure, it’s always nice when you get your way, but we wouldn’t ask if we didn’t want to know. We want a girl who can think for herself, and frequently does. If your opinion is different than our own, it only makes for interesting discussion.. especially when you can back it up. Of course we want a girl that we have something in common with, but if we only wanted to hear our own thoughts and opinions all day, we’d save the money we just spent on feeding your face and just talk to ourselves at dinner.
Step 7. Be Tactful AND Tasteful.
We know that if we’re not in a solid relationship that you’re anyone’s fair game. We do not want to hear about last week’s date with What’s His Crotch and we don’t want to hear about Hookup Night from friends. Make sure that you keep that possible Pandora’s Box to yourself. Some of the biggest things for us guys is that of trust and loyalty. Please don’t ruin that. It’s just as simple as the Golden Rule. So, if you don’t want to hear about it yourself or have it be done to you… well, don’t do it. But it’s not called the Golden Rule. It’s called the Rampage Regulation. No one wants the other person to go on a mad-cow-rampage due to a rumor. It happened to Britney Spears and could happen to you. Tactful and Tasteful = Classy. If you’re ever in doubt, ask yourself one question. WWAHD? What would Audrey Hepburn do? We’re pretty sure you’re safe there.
Step 8. Food
The quickest way to a guy’s heart is through his stomach, right? Right. We’re not going to deny this. In fact, the quicker you understand this fact, the easier it will be to get us right where you want us. And, as long as there’s good food there, we don’t mind at all. We love the food. Sweet or salty, it doesn’t matter as long as it’s good. Can’t cook? Buy it. Or, get your portly roommate to lend a hand in the kitchen. She knows what’s up. Give us some good eats, and you can bank on us coming back for more.
Step 9. The Ol’ Switcharoo.
IT’S FREAKING AWESOME WHEN A GIRL WILL PAY FOR SOMETHING OR TAKE A GUY OUT ON A DATE. We call this the Cincinnati Serenade. Every once in a while, pay for your share, or even the whole thing. Guys will eat that up faster than the thickest cupcake off Jessica Alba’s naval. Jessica… Alba’s… naval…
Anyway, this idea has been battle tested my smooth legged friends. It’s as legit as an Orange-Mocha-Frappuccino! Even if the guy is stubborn, and trust us… most are, do it anyway. I promise you they secretly like it even if they don’t admit to it. This is gold ladies, it really is, but don’t take our word for it. Do it.
Step 10. Roll With It.
Any girl that’s going to stand the test of time with her brady beau will learn that there are times that she just needs to roll with it. Sometimes you’re not going to know what he’s thinking. And, inside, the questions are going to start flying. “Where is this going?” “What does he want?” “Am I wearing too much makeup?” We know that sometimes we’re hard to read. And, on that third question… if you have to ask, the answer is probably yes. All we’re saying is that the girl that we’re not going to be able to stop thinking about is the girl that just rolls with it. Keep your cool. Don’t over-think things. And for the love of Conan O’brien’s flaming red hair swoop, keep those questions on the inside for right now. Answers will come in due time.
